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I was feelin' depressed, I was feelin' real low down
I felt so bad, I could not get my butt up off the grounds
I was mopin' around the house
I was bumpin' into walls
I was cryin' at the Andy Griffith show
And I was snappin' and the dog
I was startin' to fear for my sanity
I could not find my ego with both hands
So I decided professional help was the only hope for me
So I called up this number which I'd gotten of TV
They said, "Are you havin' marital problems
Are you emotionally impaired
Are you sure you're bein' followed
Or are you just scared of bein' scared?
Well if so you better come on in
Have a little talk with the doc"
So I did, I said doctor, good doctor, I got trouble on my mind
Listen to me doc I don't have too much time
I got a feelin' down inside me and it will not go away
You know it hangs on and bangs on my soul every day
Doctor, good doctor, I'm grabbin' at loose ends
And I haven't felt like I used to since I don't know when
Yesterday go past me today is all the same
And tomorrow really scares me I just can't play the game
He said, "Quit whining"
He said, "Straighten up and fly right"
He said, "Life is not a piece of cake"
He wanted to know if my insurance was paid up
Well, I'm okay, you're okay if the check's okay
Second best hundred dollars I ever spent
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