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Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park Shaves in the dark, trying to save paper Sleeps in a hole in the road Saving up to buy some clothes Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose Such a mean old man Such a mean old man His sister Pam works in a shop She never stops, she's a go-getter Takes him out to look at the Queen Only place that he's ever been Always shouts out something obscene Such a dirty old man Dirty old man