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One for the trouble, two for the time The neophyte lays down the law And the choir boy plays five card draw All the news that's fit to print Rolls right off, don't make a dent Diamond Jim, where you hiding? Diamond Jim, where you hiding? When Diamond Jim gets back Diamond Jim will know just what to do The mannequin takes off her clothes And the clowns are laughing at your nose The weatherman he is the news And Dick Clark's got the tombstone blues Right, Diamond Jim, where you hiding? Diamond Jim, where you hiding? When Diamond Jim gets back Diamond Jim will know just what to do Where you been so doggone long? Diamond Jim, don't you shine me on Your homeboy's under house arrest It all feels too real to be a test The open mikes are out of poems And the pleasure's leaking from the domes Alright, Diamond Jim, where you hiding? Diamond Jim, where you hiding? When Diamond Jim gets back Diamond Jim will know just what to do Oh yeah, Diamond Jim, where you hiding? Diamond Jim, where you hiding? When Diamond Jim gets back Diamond Jim will know just what to do Hey, hey, hey Diamond Jim gets back Diamond Jim will know just what to do