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One, two, three The first night that I come home So drunk I could not see Found a horse in my stable Where my horse oughta be "Come here, my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a horse in the stable Where my horse oughta be?" "You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a milk cow Your granny sent to me" I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more But a saddle upon a milk cow's back I never did see before The second night that I come home So drunk I could not see Found a coat a-hanging on the rack Where my coat oughta be "Come here, my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a coat a hanging a-hanging on the rack Where my coat oughta be?" "You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a bed quilt Your granny sent to me" I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more Pockets upon a bed quilt I never did see before The third night that I come home So drunk, I could not see Found a head a-laying on the pillow Where my head oughta be "Come here, my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a head a-laying on the pillow Where my head oughta be?" "You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a cabbage head Your granny sent to me" I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more But a mustache on a cabbage head I never did see before