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Brain-storming, habit-forming, battle-warning weary Winsome actor spewing, spineless chilling lines The critics falling over to tell themselves, he's boring And really not an awful lot of fun Well, who the hell can he be when he's never had V.D. And he doesn't even sit on toilet seats? Court-jesting, never-resting, he must be very cunning To assume an air of dignity And bless us all with his oratory prowess His lame-brained antics and his jumping in the air And every night, his acts the same And so it must be all a game of chess, he's playing But you're wrong, Steve You see, it's only solitaire